we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As shirtless as possible
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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