I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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