M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
