I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize