you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
