I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize