Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
