This is not my ceiling
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
