I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
