is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
