Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize