If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
