I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize