Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
