Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
