im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
