Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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