this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
