when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So vagazzling was a success
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