I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
