Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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