i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
