Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
