That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
