woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
