I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You smell like stripper and shame
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
