I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
