So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
