if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
