last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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