I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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