your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
