I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
