he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
