It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
