He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
