The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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