I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
