I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Everyone says I win the strip club
did i just pee glitter
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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