Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
