It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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