dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize