I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
