she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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