Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
