is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can I color on your dick again?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize