I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
