I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
