Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
