i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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