Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The air was thick with penises
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
