remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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