Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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