you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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