We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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