After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
