no, he came in my armpit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
