I met the friendliest cop last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
