So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
