so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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