NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
