just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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