The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
