and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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