You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
