i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
