he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wear drunk well.
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