He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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