He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
