you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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