mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize