Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Two words: blizzard sex
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
